The C Word

I was walking our dog Mabel around the block this morning about 6:45 when I saw our neighbor in the distance. For the sake of anonymity I will simply call him what we always call him: The Wedge. He's the harmless crackpot that every neighborhood has. He lives in his childhood home, which is falling down around his ears. I have posted a link to the short film my son made about him, so you'll have a better idea, and also because it's a beautiful little movie. The Wedge is in his sixties, I think, and always looks as though he has been sleeping underneath his truck, whose cabin and bed are always filled with junk. His hair is long and stringy. He has a ratty beard, and he's missing numerous teeth, and his clothes are dirty and full of holes. The word around the 'hood is he used to be an engineer, but he has narcolepsy and that he takes some kind of uppers to keep from falling asleep. So the end result is that he wants to talk to whoever walks by, about anything, and he won't stop talking, so you just have to keep walking. And he stammers. So this morning he saw Mabel and me. Mabel, usually extremely friendly to EVERYONE, sniffed him and backed off as though he was not to be trusted. He is so funky even my dog thinks he stinks. The Wedge laughed and said, "Oh, s-she sm-sm-smells me! I must smell like...I must smell like...the C word!" I said, "What?" The Wedge said, "We-well, you-you know, the C WORD! The word that-that-that  m-m-must not be named!" 

My mind was racing. OH MY GOD! I thought. Does he mean CUNT? Has he really gone around the bend? And why would he smell like CUNT? And why is he doing this to me? I started walking more quickly. "You've lost me," I said. The Wedge of course persisted. "The C word! It's like-it's like-it's like, the Harry Potter b-b-book. You know, the villain, whose name w-w-we dare not s-s-s-peak!"  

Now I was hightailing it. But he was keeping up. Eew, eew, and double eew! "I don't know..." I said. He cheerfully soldiered on. "In-in-in-in other words...CAT!" 

"OH!" I said. "Ha! Ha! YES! CAT!"

Mabel and I ran home. Who's dirty now? 

Comments

[ann]

I am SNORTING with laughter. Why would you ever think that 'cunt' was the c-word? (My kids use the phrase 'c-word' to mean 'crap' and I always flinch and gird my, um, cunt for motherly battle against sexism and then remember that to them, 'crap' is the most delightful word in old English.)

[Mimi Pond]

Well, Ann, part of it had to do with it being 6:45 am, and the other part was a couple of months ago I was assailed in the food court at Costco, where this creepy guy asked me while I was eating a hot dog if didn't hot dogs remind me of penises. Or should I say "penessess" since he had a spanish accent. I should probably know better with the Wedge, but he caught me off guard.

[conn]

you mean a man really asked you that in costco? and you didn't make a citizens arrest? haha.

[Rosemaryandthegoat]

So funny. I remember when we lived in Iowa and my husband came home everyday for lunch. Our first son was then about 4-5 and my husbandwas talking about "sex". I guess because his brother was just born and there was a lack of it in the house. Anyway, my husband spelled it out s - e - x. My son said what is that, let's sound it out!. I almost died. -- Sherry aka www.rosemaryandthegoat.com

[Jane]

I followed the link to the film, it is really beautiful. The encounter? Not so much - but - you're right, every neighborhood has a wedge.